Hampster Wheels

I started this blog to write about My daily struggle with anxiety disorder. I have yet to admit that I have anxiety though. I write about all the things my kids are up to...and as much as I enjoy that...it is only a distraction from the things that are really spinning around on that hamster wheel in my head.
As much as I appreciate openness and transparency...it is so hard to bring myself to admit that I struggle  (sometimes daily).
So here goes...
I have panic disorder!!!!
I have a knot in my stomach just thinking about clicking publish. Maybe I won't!

I didn't hit publish the other night but I think I might tonight.

I have learned a lot during this time in the valley. I can appreciate the mountain tops so much more. It's hard to think that Gods will for our lives involves a great deal of struggling but I know that these are the times that I am depending on Him the most and He is refining my character.

I am currently taking medication for the anxiety. I started on 50mg of Zoloft and .25mg of Xanax every morning. Now I am on 100mg of Zoloft and am no longer taking the Xanax. PROGRESS!!!!! I feel like after 2 years of therapy and now 6 months of medication things are getting better...much better! I drove on the interstate for the first time in 2.5 years last week. It was great although, I felt like I had to learn how to drive all over again. I have been to Target too many times (I always spend too much) and go to the grocery store about 2x per week.

I still have a hard time at Kroger and Walmart but I do feel like I can lead a normal somewhat normal life. I am enjoying my kids alot and have even completed a few projects at home.

I have to thank my wonderful friends (both real life and bloggy), my sweet husband...who read every anxiety book without my knowledge and went to therapy with me and my family for loving me no matter what.

I'll write more later. the pictures are just some random recent shots of the kids.