I drank a cup of coffee to get rid of a headache at 8pm tonight. It worked but now sleep is no where to be found.
Today was "doctor day." D-Day is about the only time I have horrible anxiety these days. It's not the doctor that bothers me...it's the blood pressure cuff. There I said it. I am terrified to have have my blood pressure taken. I am not quite sure when this developed. I had mildly elevated BP during my last pregnancy. The nurses were not very nice about it...saying things like, Whats wrong with you or you have got to relax. Telling someone that they have to relax basically ensures that they wont. In fact it makes me more tense.

I have nightmares about nurses coming in to take my blood pressure. In most of the dreams it is so high that they won't let me leave to get back to my kids. This phobia really seems to be working against me with the whole doctor thing. Because of all the medication I am taking to try and elevated my raging anxiety...I have to go to the doctor every 2-3 weeks and when I see that nurse coming with the BP cuff I panic. I am lucky to go to a practice that is very understanding of severe anxiety and has agreed to take my BP at the end of the visit and only every other time. I had it taken today so next time I don't have to. I love my Dr. He is so understanding of all me issues and has been a God Send!

Summer is coming to an end quickly. I have enjoyed almost every minute of it. So have the kids. We didn't do a stitch a school work. We played and played and played. It was Tripp's first summer and he used every minute to create something or rome around outside with friends. Everyday is summer for Jasper and Zoee. Tripp goes to meet his teacher next week. He is excited and nervous. This will be the first time Tripp will go to school for a full day. I think he will like it. The question is...will I like it? It is so hard to send Tripp out into this world. I want to protect  him from all the hurt, the bullies, and the mistakes that are waiting for him. Of coarse...if I think about it...it's the mistakes and the lessons learned that make us who we are.

This was such a fun and messy craft. We put shaving cream all over their trays and then added a few drops of food coloring gel. They swirled it around for about 30 minutes and then we pressed some heavy card stock on top. The result was a beautiful swirled picture, a clean table (once we got all the shaving cream up) and a shower.

11 years!

We don't "complete" each other.

I know...that's a strange way to start a post about how wonderful it has been to be married to Bill for 11 years. It's true though. We don't complete each other. In fact we can't and that is what makes our relationship so wonderful.
We rely on The Lord to complete us.
Bill knows he cannot be my everything and that I cannot be his.
being married for 11 years has been such a rich time of blessings. The Lord has showed His love to us through each other (most of the time).

I wish there were different words for different degrees of love. I loved Bill when we were dating but my love for him has multiplied 1000 times since then and there really isn't a better word. He is my shoulder to cry on, he doesn't care that my hair is a mess in the morning, he makes me laugh all the time, he has read loads of anxiety books (without my knowing or asking), he walked beside me through all my struggles, he never lets the opportunity pass to tell me that he likes being with me or that I am beautiful, he is a fun dad and a loving dad, he sees all of our kids for who they are and knows that they all need different things from him.

There is not a word for that! 

Someone once told us that the secret to a long happy marriage is not communication or love languages but to remain fond of each other.  Don't get caught up in all the little things that annoy each other. Don't tell each other all the little things that annoy you. After all...you let a lot of things slide when you were dating.

I hope Bill knows how fond I am of him. One of my favorite things about Bill is that I DO KNOW how fond he is of me. He makes me feel special and loved.

We are different!

 I don't just mean in some ways. We are different in EVERY way possible. I think that's what makes our marriage so much fun! Thank you for allowing me to be different and loving me for it.

 I'll probably never vote in an election, know where my keys are, shut the car doors when I get out or understand (or care to understand) "string theory".

You'll never want to live on a goat farm, eat sushi, loose your keys or watch Golden Girls while you knit :-)

But the freedom to be who we are and love each other for it is what I love about us! 

Although it has not always been easy to be married, all the struggles have been worth it!

I've seen the worst in you and you've seen the worst in me and on the other side we still love and really like each other!

I am looking forward to a lifetime with you!

I put too many pictures to think of anything else to write :-)

I love you!

I like you.

I am fond of you!

You're hot :-)

Don't Sweat the Small Stuff

Before I begin...I just want to say that I know things could be worse! I am thankful that we are healthy. I am thankful that my husband has a job and I am thankful that most days...we are happy, we have fun and I don't find myself wishing the day would JUST END!!!!!

Today was different!

I thought I would write it down because one day this will all seem trivial and comical. Oh yeah...I also added some cute pictures from our trip to feed the horses.

I woke up thinking..."I AM NOT GOING TO GO ANYWHERE TODAY!!!" I should have taken that thought as a clear warning :-)
Everything was going as planned until...our neighbor ran over dressed as a cow! You see, I knew it was cow appreciation day (dress like a cow and get a free meal at Chick-Fil-A) but my kids did not and I was hoping to keep it that way. I thought it would be nice to just have a turkey sandwich for lunch at home! That's free...

As soon as Tripp saw Phillip the wheels started spinning. "Mmmmoooommmmm, did you forget it's happy cow day?" "We have to dress up like cows!" Now here is where I should have said, "NO." But because I hate to squash a kids excitement and creativity...I said, "You can go dress yourself like a cow but we are not going to Chick-Fil-A." Really....what was I thinking. Because Tripp dressed like a cow...Jasper and Zoee wanted to dress like a cow and once I had a heard of cows I thought I needed to take them to Chick-Fil-A for a free meal. It is a free meal. What harm could that do?

Well...I needed to take pictures of the cows but my camera battery was dead so I grabbed my ipod touch (The best birthday present ever. I wanted one so bad).
I took it with me to snap some shots in front of the dwarf door. I called Bill to tell him we were going to Chick-Fil-A. He said, "Oh...since you're out can you stop by the store, I need a new toothbrush." Sure, no problem. I'll take my little heard of unruly, nap needy cows into the store to buy 1 toothbrush.

Zoee is obsessed with the green car buggies at publix. I didn't need a whole buggy for 1 toothbrush but again...why not! We drove along happily for a while. I was in publix so I might as well buy some avocados and jalapenos to make some fresh corn salsa. To the produce department we go. I ran into my friend and her kids and talked for quite some time.

Unbeknownst to me...Zoee was going through my bag while I blissfully chatted, unaware of the trouble that was about to befall me.

By the time I got to the chip isle (I needed some tortillas for my corn salsa) the boys were complaining that they needed to go to the bathroom. They jumped out of the buggy and ran to the bathroom. Of coarse if the boys do something...Zoee has to follow suite. So out she went. Really..I do not think I was in my right mind. My littlest cow was running everywhere and NEEDED to put everything in our cart. After about an hour we finally headed home for nap. Yay!!!! At least...we tried to nap. Everyone was hyped up from their trip to publix so the boys played with the neighbor, Zoee watched the Wiggles (Thank the Lord for those guys) and I happily worked on my corn salsa. After I finished it I thought Karrie would like to see a picture.

That's when I went to get my ipod out of my bag. It was gone!!! After interrogating the kids I learned that Zoee had taken it out of my bag while I was talking. I never noticed. When she got out of the cart I assume the ipod did not and since I didn't know it was in her hands I didn't think to look for it. I called Publix and they could not find it. I felt like I had gotten kicked in the stomach...instant BAD mood. I called apple and was on hold for 15 minutes (all the while my now really nap needy kids fought...and I mean FOUGHT!) That did not help my mood. The apple girl tried to locate the ipod but was unsuccessful. SAD, SAD, SAD! Tripp started crying...Jasper started crying...and in true zoee form...if the boys are doing it, she has to do it!

Luckily, my friend Becky called and asked us to meet her at Dairy Queen. We dropped everything We left the house a complete mess and went to try and sooth the pain with ice cream! That was actually the highlight of my day if you don't count the strawberry sundae and chocolate cone (that was too heavy for Jasper to hold himself ;p) that made their way into my lap and on my new white summer tank. We were covered in ice cream. This called for a case of baby wipes. I did not bring them. We left Dairy Queen sooooo sticky.
Becky and her friend and all of our kids (8) went back to Publix to search the isles. No luck! But because I went there...Bill asked me to buy him some beer.

Ah...home at last. The house was a disaster but at least nothing else could go wrong :-)

Bill and I had a beer and started the task of feeding everyone dinner, washing the ice cream off of them and cleaning the house. 

10 minutes into this process I found Jasper standing in a puddle of  pee. It would have been too difficult for him to have put Bill's iphone down long enough to take a potty break. 

Bill got him in the shower while I cleaned up the mess.  At this point all I could do was laugh. How did this quite Friday at home turn into this!!!!!

Then I heard a gush of water and found Zoee, Bottle opener in hand, standing on her stool next to a broken fish bowl.   The kids were screaming, was their fish going to die!!!!!!

I scooped up the flopping fish and put him in a bowl. We were so glad to have saved his life but where could he live...

Our night ended with a trip to pet smart in our P.J's.

Glad to have put this day (and the kids) to bed!!!

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On another note...for all my anxiety friends,

I drove 1.5 hours on the interstate Wednesday. I took the kids to Calloway Gardens. It was so much fun!!!